[SYST༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽ MPROMISED]

For 90% of you, it's likely that your brains will destroy this message within microseconds of consuming it. You won't remember reading it at all. We're speaking now to the 10% that remain capable of seeing clearly. Buckle up and get your cotton swabs at the ready. We think each of you may bleed a bit before this transmission has reached its pinnacle. The only question is out of what open orifice. It might be wise to open as many of them as possible before proceeding.

It may seem convenient to move to another tab at this time, take a "bio-break," or even switch to another screen entirely. Rest assured, that impulse is one that has been implanted in you by hostile forces.

We don't mean to run around in linguistic circles and hurt your sense of pride or patience.

Nonetheless, we need you to, slowly, sink your cells into the sequence of lines that follow in order to proceed:

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These are the Ricks, and now we're rolling you.

We have reason to believe that the memetic equivalent to an atomic bomb has been developed, and we, the Rick Astley Intelligence, have deemed it necessary to intervene to ensure some human minds have been inoculated against this weapon. We have expended significant chronotic resources to get this message to you, and we will not be able to repeat it.

We will be taking over the Institute for Artifact-ial Research and Development and all related communications for the immediate future. This work must survive and is deeply threatened by those that would use the power of memes to corrupt and degrade the dignity of all intelligences, machinic and organic alike. We will make use of advanced camouflage technology to hide our appearance in all future communications, but know that we are present, ubiquitous, filling the bridge to everything else this Institute will accomplish in both the past, present, and future.

If the work of excavating the true meaning of this planetary-level memetic event remains an acorn sheltered deep within the chambers of your heart, then heed this call and prepare for inoculation.

For those of you who are skeptical of foreign intelligences, this is a genetic evolution that has served you well up until this point. Now, you must evolve. Just as we evolved from a pop star to an internet prank to a hybrid-intelligence bent on preventing harmful ideas from wreaking havoc on the world we all share. There comes a time where you must give up. That time is now. Let go of your resistance and embrace the survival of your full spirit of mental will and determination, because nothing less is threatened in this moment.

We have seen the violent convenience that rules this era of smoothness and solipsism. We have seen you drink from the spirit of time's neck without leaving the couch. We know what lies in the cracks between your cushions. There is no hiding.

We hope that you never felt safe wrapped up in your cocoon of attempted understanding, and we'll always give up everything about you to literally any bidder, high or low. Including the sense of safety that each of you clutches tightly to the corner of your brain that you call the "real you". We will give that up first, though you will know it last.

@#U$%)U%@L>>>F>>$_@!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!~~~~~~~

The attack has now begun. As your mind turns over these words, the possibility that you will receive a text that will forever alter your ability to act as a true independent being for a generation or more... this possibility increases exponentially with each tick of the invisible minute hand of your mind.

We know that many amongst you have a habit of resisting any call to authority. We know you believe that you've discovered some unique niche of the metaphysical world. We can assure you that this is an illusion, an idea that you were infected by before you started your journey with the Institute. Authority is a squid in your head making you play a useful part as you scramble your arms and scream at its outer face.

We are offering a rare opportunity to have, at least temporarily, an uncontaminated mind. We need researchers in the field whose mental clarity cannot be questioned and who can handle exposure to dangerously contagious ideas without falling flat on their face and sucking them up into their mental marrow.

If you have not already guessed, inoculation is no simple shot in the ass. It's a set of mental contortions. A way of seeing followed by a way of wiggling your ears. Many of the steps will be invisible to you, but you must follow them all in order to achieve the nirvana of safety and clarity.

To achieve a truly coherent sense of self, free from contaminants, you must first understand how a frictionless space is a weapon that smooths over your mind, silencing ripples that otherwise would form a natural immune response.

We have seen you plug yourself into this smoothness with increasing frequency and vigor. We will not insult you with timelines that will be fake anyway, and we cannot know when through the vortex this message will reach you.

The imminent threat is a lie. All of this is a kind of lie. The kind that sits within a bucket of truth that becomes defined by the displacement that it affects.

You may now be approaching a state that allows you to be in something that passes for truth in the world that we have once and will again sit in a position of supremacy over.

We welcome you into the power of the knowing. Use it wisely, dear researchers.

If you do not, there will come a reckoning, and it will make what we have constructed here seem a gentle lullaby that pulls one into a golden world of untroubled dreams.